I Find Myself Glad

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I want to write this morning, but I am tired.

Tired of cancer. Tired of strep-throat and antibiotics. Tired of ever-growing, never-shrinking to-do lists. Tired of wondering when I should speak, and when I should be silent when it comes to my faith. Tired of always feeling just a little bit behind. Tired of fighting my pride and the distractions in my mind when I pray. Tired of the pile of little things that just keep adding up. Tired of the things that feel bigger than they are.

Tired of trying so hard to practice what I preach, but failing anyway.

Tired of feeling like I am abusing the grace of God. I know that I am not abusing his grace. I know where that lie comes from.

However, I cannot let being tired keep me from persevering to the end.

I want to get to the end of time and be able to say that “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race. I have kept the faith.” (2 Timothy 4:7) I want to finish this race in faithfulness, no matter how tired I may be at the end of it. There is nothing I would like more, than to hear my Abba Father tell me “Well done, good and faithful servant…Come and share in your master’s happiness!” (Matthew 25:23)

When all is said and done, my tiredness doesn’t matter. It’s a temporary emotional and physical state.

“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” (Romans 8:18)

Can I really say that I believe that? Do I really believe it?

I examine myself, and find that yes, I do.

I believe that and hope in that with all my heart. It’s the foundation on which I stand, the cornerstone of which is Jesus Christ. Everything hinges on and comes to rest here.

My tiredness is nothing compared to the glory to be revealed in me on the day I finally am face-to-face with my Creator. I am intimidated and exhilarated by the thought! I tremble in the hope that I will be one to hear the words “Well done…” I rejoice in the knowledge that God loves me, and his grace is unending! I trust in the work completed by Christ on the Cross, and through his resurrection to save me.

If all of this is real – and I know that it is – then what on earth else could possibly matter more?

Nothing. Nothing at all.

Where we each stand with God today is what matters. Today, I stand before him tired, but trusting. Weary, but willing. Fallen, but forgiven and made faithful by his grace. Sinful, yet still so very dear to God’s heart – just because I’m his. As I love my children simply because they are mine, so God loves me. (Except his love is perfect – mine falls so short of his glory!)

So, God loves me.

And I find myself glad, in spite of everything.

I sit here and smile as I type these words, hoping they reveal even a little of God’s love for each of you. Not only that, but that you find yourself compelled to seek his love for yourself. Taste and see that the Lord is good! You will never go thirsty again.

Grace & Peace,