- I should exercise more.
- I should stop eating so much sugar.
- I should get out into the sunshine more.
- I shouldn’t be so impatient with these kids.
- I should go to bed earlier.
- I should get more organized.
- I should be taking my fish oil everyday.
- I should pray more/better/harder/longer.
- I should focus more on other people.
- I should play with my kids more.
- I should be a better friend.
- I shouldn’t think so much.
- I shouldn’t feel so guilty all the time.
- I should set a better example.
- I should really write a good schedule and stick to it.
- I should…
The heaviest word I have ever known.
Ugh. The weight of it makes it hard for me to type. Because, as I’m typing this, I “should” be in the kitchen with my kids, more actively supervising their cleaning job. Instead, I’m sitting here, selfishly writing whatever comes to mind.
Sometimes, the shoulds are so heavy, they hurt. And I become powerless. Paralyzed. Ineffective. Not overwhelmed, exactly, just…lost.
I’m tired of should.
I don’t want to carry it any more.
I want to walk in a different vocabulary.
- I want to be more active.
- I want to cut back on sugar.
- I want to turn my face to the sun today.
- I want to practice patience.
- I want to wake early in the morning.
- I want my life to have a little more order.
- I want to put healthy things into my body.
- I want to know God more through prayer.
- I want to love others better.
- I want to play with my kids.
- I want to love my friends better.
- I want to simplify my thoughts.
- I want to walk free of shame.
- I want to set a good example.
- I want to manage my time better today.
- I want…
And the truth is, I do want all those things.
It’s just a matter of figuring out how. How to be free. How to walk again. How to move forward in the power of God in Christ Jesus. How to be weak and let his strength sustain me.
I want the “how-to’s.”
All I get are the “jump in and good luck!” At least, that’s how it feels.
Is there a 12-step program for the good girls who feel lost, and are tired of carrying around the shoulds?
Grace & Peace,