So I Sit Patient

There was a time
when I carried
my beliefs like a flag
bound the flag on a stick
placed my heart inside
marched forward
a restless traveler
a vagrant on earth
tattered but proud
with a gaping hole
in my chest.
One day the bag
tore open
and jagged, spilled
my heart in the dust
with anger
with fear
with sorrow–
too heavy
to be carried any longer
in a little faith-bag
on my shoulder.
I cannot march any longer
nor can I leave
my heart foundering
too heavy to retrieve
and so I sit patient
and wait for release
from my vigil beside
my tattered beliefs.
~Jenni Wilson

My heart is changing. There are fundamental shifts happening inside of me, and they often feel seismic. So, I keep them held close where I can contemplate them quietly, without worrying about people looking at me as though I’d grown a second head. This poem is as close as it comes to explaining it. And it does so far better than I ever could.

I miss my counseling sessions. She was really good at continually pointing me in directions that actually make sense, line up with God’s Word, and simplifying matters.

Anyway. There it is.

I am at a crossroads, of sorts, is the best way I can describe it. Just sitting here, waiting to know more, and to heal more, before I take another step.

My belief in Jesus is solid. My belief in the Bible as the inerrant and authoritative Word of God is unshaken. It’s not those beliefs that are tattered. Not at all. So, don’t freak out on me.

Grace & Peace,


6 thoughts on “So I Sit Patient

  1. A maturing faith is by definition a growing one. We are not called to be simpletons who blindly walk according to the light of another. We are called to become simply obedient to the light God gives us. We are to know whom we have believed and be persuaded that he is able to keep that which we have committed to him against that day. An unexamined and untested faith is no faith at all. Blessings! May you walk thru the darknight of the soul (the desert) and pass thru to the land of promise and plenty!

  2. I understand the changes. I am in an autumn/winter time myself. I am being refined. I know it’s not always comfortable and being patient while God works has never been my strong suit. Prayers to you lovely, I can’t wait to see what things look like moving forward. Blessings sweet girl!

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