At the end of January, after a lot of prayer and struggle, I chose a word. Because it sounded like a good idea. Having a word to help drive my life this year.
I chose Diligence.
With all the struggles I have had, I have come to the conclusion that sometimes, I really do have to just fake it until I make it. I have to exercise my faith in ways I didn’t anticipate. I have to persevere as steadily when I am struggling as I do when my world is all sunshine and unicorns.
“Be not deceived, Wormwood, our cause is never more in jeopardy than when a human, no longer desiring but still intending to do our Enemy’s will, looks round upon a universe in which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.” ~C.S. Lewis The Screwtape Letters
There is no way around it. I may fight and struggle and cry and kick and scream, but when the rubber meets the road, I still have to choose rightly.
I must be diligent.
“The sluggard craves and gets nothing, but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied.” ~Proverbs 13:4 (NIV)
This year, I am putting away selfish indulgence, and training myself in diligence. I am starting small.
Depression, if it is to be entirely conquered, needs my self-discipline. Yes, the grace of God covers me, but I need to meet his Amazing Grace with diligence. I must not squander his precious, eternal gift by hiding behind my depression as an excuse to be lazy.
“The law was added so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.” ~Romans 5:20 – 6:4 (NIV)
I want to live a new life, and accept that life is never going to be what it used to be. I want to tap into the power that raised Christ from the dead, and live a life that honors God.
So, I come to diligence.
That careful, persistent action of doing my duty. Day in. Day out.
Others have had to pick up the slack because of my apathy. Others have been willing to carry me and hold me up, and I praise God for their help. Without them, I probably never would have come to a place where I can look around with clearer eyes.
Well, it’s time for me to take those first, faltering steps on my own. I need to pick up that slack and move forward in whatever way that I can. I will still have to lean on those closest to me, as I am still pretty weak, but I know it’s time to choose to move forward.
One step at a time, because that is as far ahead as I can think.
Grace & Peace,