Until Now

Stop waiting for the damned muse to strike. If you start, she will show up eventually. And if she doesn’t, you probably didn’t need her in the first place. ~Jenni

Voices speaking into my life from a place of support have all said the same thing:

“You should write.”

Write what, exactly? I have no idea. I keep waiting for the lightning bolt inspiration from Heaven itself. I look at myself, and think: “I can’t possibly be a real writer. Real Writers have a compulsion to write. They are constantly inspired, and constantly writing. They have amazing stories and extensive vocabularies, and Something New to say. What do I have? The ability to talk a hind leg off a mule.”

Until now.

I do want to write. Really write. Maybe even get paid for it at some point. (I cannot believe I just said that “out loud.”)

I’m finally accepting the fact that this is a dream of mine. Real and solid, and it doesn’t seem to be going away. I have deliberately brushed off the urging of people who have watered the seeds of this dream, disbelieving that this is something I can realistically aspire to. These messages of encouragement have come consistently throughout the years, ever since I was in the fifth grade, and I have always filed them away in the far recesses of my mind, in a cabinet marked “Stuff that would be cool, but will NEVER EVER happen.”

Maybe that is a legitimate label. Maybe not. I haven’t wanted to try and find out.

Until now.

So, I’m just going to put some words down everyday. Maybe on this blog, maybe not.

We’ll see where the words take me, as I cease waiting for a muse.

I can’t tell you how many times I have wanted to share this dream openly, but never do. It feels…weird. Still, the desire is there. I just need to know why God has given it to me, and how it should take shape. Aaaaand…I’m probably already over-thinking it.

Grace & Peace,


7 thoughts on “Until Now

  1. Yeah. You don’t need to know why the gift! 🙂 I got told in fifth grade, too, and I’m still wondering. I know for sure it’s to do some good, so I always try to do some good… If it helps any, you SEEM inspired.:-D

  2. I think we look around and think “What could I POSSIBLY have to say that would add anything worthwhile to the cacophany of voices already out here?” And we feel silly because we forget that all the writers we love once felt exactly the same way. Write for yourself first. That is the best advice. Write the stuff you love and trust that you are not alone. We are out here, waiting for your words.

  3. Me too! This right where I am as well. I always brushed it off because I am dyslexic so I couldn’t possibly be a writer. But I have come to see that it is something I have always wanted to do. thank you for sharing your struggles with this and you process of coming to the true desire of your heart.

Comments are closed.