Tired of Myself

Look at me! Right now! How can you not notice me?!

I’m here, after all. On the internet! Ranting and raving and totally wrapped up in myself.

I’m a narcissist.

I used to joke with my friends that I was “the Center of the Universe.” And now, I’m acting like it.

Shame on me.

Part of me wants to quit counseling, because it feels like all I do is sit and talk about me. Granted, she’s very good at bringing it around to what to do about me and my stupid self, but I still hate it.

I started this blog to write about my family, in the days before Facebook exploded, and everyone was on it.

What has it become? A platform for me to talk about myself while I work on myself…

Exciting.

Yet, how do I get beyond this? I will fully admit that “What about me?!” is a thought that occurs to me at least once a day. Probably more. If I’m being generous with myself.

I want to be better. I want to be healthy. I want to see needs in others, and be able to fill them. I can’t though. Not yet.

I hope I can get there soon, because this sucks.

I’m tired of myself.

Grace & Peace,
Tiffany

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2 thoughts on “Tired of Myself

  1. Amen! You are not alone lady. It can be sickening how self- centered I still find myself. Good thing the little people remind me all the time to knock it off. Praying for a change.

    You know what really ticks me off is all the talk about “taking time for your self” especially as women and moms. I may not put my time to the best use but you can bet your bottom that everyday I ‘m doing something totally selfish and worrying about me. God save us from ourselves and give us a heart for others! Holy Spirit help me take EVERY thought captive! Fill us with your love that is patient, kind, gentle, forgiving, and completely unselfish.

    Tiff I love you and your rants about you. It totally helps me to regroup sometimes and really know that I’m truly not alone. We are (humanity) is really so much a like. What a relieve to hear it come out of someone else’s mouth.

    • Well, I’m glad I could encourage you. And I truly am just kind of sick of myself… 🙂

      I don’t mind the “take time for yourself,” once I learned what it really means in proper context. It’s like putting the oxygen mask on yourself first on a plane – if you don’t do that, you can’t help your kids. For me, self-care looks like getting up before my family, and spending some quiet time with God and coffee. (Honestly, I don’t skip God or coffee even if I sleep through my alarm, and my kids are up first…) It means showering when I don’t feel like it. It means letting go of things left undone, in favor of rest, once my kids are in bed. It’s filling up my cup again, once it’s empty–even Jesus never let himself run on empty. Him and his solitary places, you know.

      That’s just what it means to me, though. I do agree that it is far to easy to take it way too far, and move in to selfishness (which I know by experience. 😛 ) Hence, my rant about myself.

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