Selfish?

The story of the false doctor, Kermit Gosnell’s trial is making the rounds of social networks, however much the mainstream media is ignoring it.

Over and over again, I’m seeing the words, “selfish women” popping up. I can’t stay silent any more. This is a rant. Take it or leave it.

Many of the women he “served” were incredibly poor, abused, and very well coerced into their abortions. Yes, they sinned — horribly — but in God’s eyes, if we direct all our anger at them, it is equal to their sin of murder. (Matt. 5:21-22) Our battle is not against women who abort their babies. It’s not against the doctors. It’s not against the courts, the legistlators, or the organizations given the responsibility of oversight. It is against Molech – the idol who demands child sacrifice. (In case you don’t know, that’s an alias for Satan.)

I work with and teach women in crisis pregnancies, and many are abused in the hospital system, not taken seriously by anyone in their lives, and ridiculed/questioned/abandoned for taking a stand for their child. (I work with the ones who choose life.) They try to do the right thing, and when they look around help, there simply isn’t much available to them. Not in practical ways, anyway.

Until that changes, our society will always view abortion as the lesser of two evils–sacrificing a child so that the mother can “live.” Though that is obviously not true, the fact is that women and girls in this country don’t really know their options. And when they don’t know their options, they don’t have any. They see no way out, until someone compassionately and lovingly shows them.

They know it’s a baby. They will even acknowledge that it is murder. The fact that they see no other way out should say something. The fact that up to 1 in 3 women sitting in our churches have had an abortion is not talked about. (I will look up that statistic for you, and link it as soon as I can.) The fact that Christ-followers are choosing this road should speak VOLUMES of hardcore conviction to the Church. Where are the brothers and sisters in Christ when a girl or woman falls? Where is grace for her? It’s hypocrisy to shame a girl for getting pregnant, and pushing her away when she should be able to come to the Church FIRST for help. Real, practical, financial, physical HELP to bring her child into the world.

Whether she chooses life or not, she faces shame. Sure, it’s “her own fault.” But so is our hypocrisy. WAKE UP AND LOVE WOMEN, CHURCH!!! Jesus did. The adulteress. The woman at the well. Mary Magdalene. Three women Jesus chose to love and honor – in spite of their sin.

That said, I think we should be careful in calling women who choose abortion “selfish.” We are ALL selfish, and just because our selfishness doesn’t always lead to murder, doesn’t make it less heinous in God’s eyes. It is selfish of us to refuse to taint our “godliness” with the uncleanness of sinners in need of the Cross. And we will be held accountable for it.

There, but for the grace of God, go I.

These women will have to answer to God one day – and I pray they repent, and find forgiveness and joy at the foot of his Cross, so they have the chance to see their children again when His Kingdom comes.

I challenge you: Pity them. Pray for them. Show them compassion, kindness, and grace. Show them the light of the Gospel. Give them a chance to be rescued from the selfishness we have been rescued from ourselves. Look them in the eye, open your arms, and HELP THEM. Aren’t they among the “least of these?”

Selfish?

Look in the mirror first.

Grace & Peace,
Tiffany

PS: Kids are waiting for dinner, so I didn’t edit this at all. Forgive typos, please.

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15 thoughts on “Selfish?

  1. I’m sorry if I can’t help but feel that a lot of the basis of this post was directed to my comments– being that the post was just a short time after my link was shared….. I still believe that abortion, especially that done in “secret”, is the ultimate in selfishness. Choosing your “life” over another person’s ACTUAL life is immeasurably selfish. You are obviously correct in that we are all very selfish! Indeed! …. still doesn’t negate the point. The publicizing and raising real awareness of the horrid facts behind allowing abortions to remain legal, and the social care and council needed for the mothers are two different topics. Initializing an attack on people who hate murder, and call it what it is, is not helping the fact. I doubt if you would defend the intent of a man who killed his mentally ill son because he “didn’t know his options”. I hear what you are saying, Tiff…. but jumping to conclusions about how people like me– who call these women selfish — treat, or feel in regards to women who seek help or council in this type of situation is not exactly loving either. I have helped to disciple more than one young, single mother who chose life for their baby.

    • I’m truly sorry if you thought it was directed at you, personally. And I agree with all that you’ve said in your comment. The term “selfish” has been all over my news feed. All over.

      I agree we need to call sin what it is, and do all we can to fight it’s being easier. I come from the side of meeting these women where they are – broken, bleeding (sometimes literally), and feeling they have no way out. And I share Jesus with them.

      That was my main point.

      Every woman I have worked with will fully acknowledge that they think abortion is murder. That it’s wrong. That is the real tragedy. They knowingly submit to this horrific procedure, and they leave more broken than ever. They know they’re selfish. They KNOW.

      But we need to be careful. There are many of these women among us–even in church–who are post-abortive, and not able to turn to anyone. They know their sin. More deeply than any of us realize.

      They need the Gospel, repentance, and the freedom to seek real help.

      I should have made clear that my post is not toward one individual. It is just frustrating to me to see it from every corner. Abortion IS selfish – period. That is my stance. But that is what redemption is for.

    • Also – one more thought. Yes, abortion is selfish. There is NO denying that. At all. However – we want these women to come to US – the CHURCH for help. If all they see is the Church shaming them and calling them selfish, they won’t feel safe to open their hearts to us. Instead, they’ll turn to Planned Parenthood and the lies that the baby was “only a lump of tissue,” and that they can “move on now.” Etc…

      I will always call abortion murder. That’s what it is. But my arms will always be open to the murderers. “Neither do I condemn you. Now, go and sin no more.”

    • Exactly. They already know they’re selfish. That’s why they’re so defensive. They already know this is NOT right. They KNOW, and will even tell you in the counseling room that they know they’re killing a child. That they know it’s selfish. What they need most is someone to look them in the eye, agree with what they know, and offer the solution. So, if we’re going to call them selfish, we’d better follow it up with the message of SALVATION FROM SELFISH SIN. That Jesus loves them ANYWAY.

  2. Well said! I have never related it to child sacrifice as a root. Amazing how things can get so twisted and we believe the lies too. “All we need is love!”

  3. The church is awake and loving them. But as with any other sin we do not battle against flesh and blood…Having said that, I do believe we are all selfish, and we all get called on it. The robber is selfish in his desire for that that he didn’t earn, the liar is selfish in his desire to escape punishment, the gossip is selfish in his desire to appear better. That doesn’t mean we excuse it. It means we call it for what it is, we confront it, and we bring the gospel of salvation. The woman contemplating abortion is worried about her reputation, her economic situation, her relationships, her education, in essence herself. The very definition of selfishness.

    The churches I have been a part of (I am talking church organization not the body of Christ) have all been forgiving, welcoming, and restorative. I do think that some women/girls confuse the conviction of Holy Spirit for condemnation by others. Their own guilt blinds them. I do agree with you, Tiff, that sin can only be broken by love and acceptance of the person. However, I don’t believe it is the church’s lack that is to blame. As you said, “they know.” They choose to do “that which was right in his own heart.” Perhaps the response is too strong, but the horror of abortion is hard to temper.

    One more thing. Why can’t they find help? Why don’t they know their options? It took me less than a minute with my slow internet to Google and find crisis pregnancy centers listed in every state. It took an additional 30 seconds for me to find one near Roseburg with a yellow pages search (which can also be done with a phone book). IF they want to find help it is easily available. Incidentally ALL five of the centers I randomly clicked offered counseling and resources to keep or adopt, and they were Christian/Para Church organizations.

    • Yes, help is “easy” to find – but not when you are blind. They don’t tend to google these places. It’s primarily by word of mouth that they come, and they come to the Pregnancy Center I volunteer at in DROVES, because we’re the only place that offers free pregnancy tests. Not even Planned Parenthood does that. And I found out that most women have never heard of crisis pregnancy centers – Planned Parenthood is what they know. They go to the nearest one, find out nothing there is free, and might start looking for alternatives after they’ve already been to PP.

      As I said – of COURSE abortion is selfish. But what’s the point in adding extra adjectives? It’s just SIN. And in the counselor training I received to learn how to speak to abortion-minded women, we are taught to help them see with more clarity what they are actually contemplating. We share with them the actual risks to themselves, and not just the baby. We share with them the Gospel, above all, because that woman’s salvation is more important than saving the life of the baby.

      We do not call them selfish. We call their sin a selfish choice. There’s a big difference between calling sin “sin,” and using condemning language in a way that doesn’t let the woman see that HERE (in the Church) is where they are loved. That WE are the safe haven – NOT the world, who won’t even let them mourn the loss of their aborted child, because abortion was supposed to fix everything. And it didn’t.

  4. As a promiscuous and troubled teenager, I had more than 1 abortion. I missed my period, told my mother, and was whisked way into Alabama without much explanation of what we were doing. I was terrified but received no comfort being viewed as a little tramp. After the abortion, we were in a hotel there that night, and a great pain began and much bleeding. My mother comforted me then & tried to find medical help but there was none. This was considered “taboo” and unspoken of in the Deep South, early 70s. Later, when I missed my period again, I was too afriad to go to here and admit it or face the consequences (both). So I went to my church, to our family priest of the Trinity Episcopal church. I guess he didn’t want to upset my mother. She wasn’t told. Instead, he forced my older sister to give my her driver’s license which would make me appear old enough (16?17?) to get an abortion in Louisiana. He swore her to secrecy against her will. And he gave me the money. Yes. The church paid for the abortion. I had met some older hippies in New Orleans who would met me at the “clinic” and let me stay with them to recover. The wife was an RN. I was dropped off at this filthy place, walking in alone to people laying on the floor. I can’t talk about it. It was horrific & brutal. Nothing for pain. No explanation, no one talking to you. Blood everywhere. Though I could not stand, I was forced out the door anyway. I just fell into this hippie RN’s arm who tended to me for the night. Another painful night of fear, guilt, shame–being such a bad and dirty girl. Later, a piece had been left…..I can’t talk about it. I’ve been a Christian now almost 5 years. I had such a troubled life of alcohol & drugs before the Lord but He’s forgiven everything. My past He remembers no more. But I do. Most of the things I did I have been able to forgive myself for, and the Lord is helping the heal many scars. But the abortions. To know I killed. To think it may be unforgivable. I’m 54 years old. This was 40 years ago and haunts me. My tears flow. But selfish? No.

  5. I’ll start this by saying that Tiff has always been a touchstone in the sense that I will look to her for term ‘Rational Christian Thought”. Her values are clear (she loves Christ and has always seems to just love everyone and everything and has a heart full of belief that all people are deserving of the salvation that Christ has to offer). Next, I am a pro-choice atheist (and she knows this and, shocker, loves me anyways. 🙂 I say rational because I feel it is irrational when a Christian does not tend to the poor and the sinful. It doesn’t make sense to me. While we disagree on abortion, we agree on women. I hope we can all agree on women. No woman should ever be subjected to such disgusting conditions. No woman should feel that a place like that is her only option. I know my choices. I am lucky. I can Google, talk to friends, I have health insurance, good doctors, friends that love me, and can read English. Not every woman in this country has that. Not every woman can turn on her computer and browse and talk to other women on a blog and feel that there are people out there that really are truly compassionate. Whether or not there is a question of sin or question of selfishness (this will always be a debate in the country of varying views and freedom to speak (and hopefully hear)) there should be no question that poor women need our attention. Some women only find out about options through an abortion provider; a compassionate doctor that will compassionately provide options and hope while not judging the decision that the woman is trying to make. Desperation of circumstance is not something that everyone can just close their eyes and truly grasp. What kind of desperation would lead one to a clinic with horrid conditions and not turn and run? How can this happen? Pro-life must truly be pro-life. Not just stopping abortions by whatever means, but making provisions in this country so that people are cared for. No woman should feel that abortion is her only way out or that she is being forced to have child lest she be a sinful whore. Those are terrible options. Taking care of women, child care, child education, single mother programs, outreach, doula/midwife programs that can go where you are, teen education, translators…the list is long. We should be doing everything we can so that if such a desperation exists, a woman could walk into a clinic like that and turn away and know she has somewhere to go.

  6. My thoughts exactly! Why are we so willing to throw stones when these women are already hurting. We have all sinned and come short of the Glory of God, Let us give grace and love. We can call sin sin, and rightfully so, but let us not forget that we are called to love.

    • Exactly. Just the way Jesus did. The only sinners he “threw stones” at were the Pharisees. Everyone else, he lifted up out of the dirt, and sent them away with the message: “Neither do I condemn you. Now, go and sin no more.”

  7. Tiff, I am so blessed at this post, many of the comments here and on your Facebook link.
    When are we going to stop classifying levels of sin? When are we going to stop acting like one sin is worse than another? We stand in the streets with picket signs naming off sins that offend us most. (Glaringly absent from those signs are gossip, lying and as Romans says “untrustworthy, unloving, unmerciful” ) All the while we aren’t following the “greatest commandments” that our Savior told us to follow. Mark 12:30,31 30 “And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’This is the first commandment. 31 And the second, like it, is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”
    Jesus tells us that if we hate someone in our heart it is just like murder. How many of us are holding onto offenses but feel justified in condemning the act of abortion?
    We need to allow each other to come out of the shadows and remove the veil of shame so we can just overflow with grace.
    Thank you for writing this. I wasn’t in on the original discussion but I have heard enough.

    • Thanks, Jem. I really do appreciate it. That’s all I’m trying to say. I would NEVER say that we shouldn’t denounce Sin – but we are to be gentle with the sinners. Gentle and truthful. In love.

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