A Good Day

Yesterday was a pretty decent day, emotionally speaking.

I think it’s because I finally let out all that stuff I wrote in Wednesday’s post. I think my body finally let go of some of it a little. I felt a little lighter, but on edge, waiting for it all to crumble again.

I tried to take advantage of the day. Sort of. I was able to get some bills paid, get a little school done with the kids, and catch up on some work that should have been done two weeks ago. I was able to see with clear eyes, just how much this has affected me.

Even with what little I did, I look back this morning, and realize that I wasted that good energy. I didn’t get outside. I didn’t do much at all. Yesterday, I could have. I had it in me. I had the energy, the motivation, and the desire. I just chose idleness for most of the day.

I know I ought to give myself grace on the bad days, and let myself heal, but on the good days — what could be more healing than getting some things done? I could have got out a paintbrush and worked on a wall of my bedroom. I could have pulled out some mending. I could have worked on some embroidery. I could have played a board game with the kids. All things that I love to do.

But, I didn’t. I sat on my butt nearly all day.

I cooked dinner, though. Made homemade mac ‘n cheese, instead of letting the kids make their own open-face sandwiches.

I’m sure many of you are thinking that I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. I’m really not being hard on myself, though. It just looks like I am. Really, I find myself standing apart from myself and observing. As if part of my consciousness is a scientist in a white lab coat, clipboard and fountain pen in hand, taking notes.

I’m not criticizing myself, just noting where I could have done better. We all do that. And we all should. It’s part of life to try and learn what areas need growth.

That’s all.

At least I feel more free to write. We’ll see what today brings. Here. Have a puppy.

Image credit: fanpop.com

Image credit: fanpop.com

Grace & Peace,
Tiffany

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “A Good Day

  1. Remember when you use that clipboard to note what didn’t get done that you make a solution to get stuff done. I like to think of it as being a consultant. Since you noticed that you didn’t get out maybe a good brisk walk after breakfast will be order today. 🙂 You get out, get exercise, move a few cob webs out of the brain. I know you know this, but I just had to say it. Maybe it is time for Lydia to paint your toenails! Sounds like I have a foot fetish going. LOL. Walk, paint toes….Love you anyway.

    • That’s a good idea. I have a “daily routine” list I want to shoot for. Very basic order of things. You’ve reminded me to get it out and get started. 🙂

  2. Keep being you! Lean into the Lord AND lean on the “means of grace” including community and accountability. Go ahead establish that list for the day and invite someone(s) to “kick you in the butt” :). Ask a friend to “help” you establish that daily routine. This isn’t so that you “get over it” but so you can “go through life.”

    BTW I know what it is to be “morbidly introspective” and “overly objective/critical” of how I spend ordinary days in ordinary time having my own depressive tendencies. Creative and productive pursuits that are “controllable” help, so write, mend, exercise… just do it. As much as I love to read, sometimes getting lost in a book only clouds my mind more. Just a thought about something I’ve noticed about myself.

    • I will never forget your wife’s admonition, one Sunday, to “lean into it.” I don’t know that she’ll ever have any idea what that did for me. The words keep echoing in my head, and helping me.

      Thanks for the encouragement and the suggestions. 🙂

  3. Tiff, I am so releaved to read this! I just prayed for you all day. It was such a busy day for me I didn’t have a chance to check this yesterday, but couldn’t wait to check it this morning!! The Graceful Ladies of our church, those 50 and over threw a Hawiian dinner for the Glitz Girls, those 49 and under, for them and their husbands yesterday! So lots of decorating and cooking!! But such a great time! Those couples just visited and enjoyed each others company so much we really didn’t even need entertainment! But we played the “Not-so Newlywed” game with three of the couples and it was great!!
    Thank you for your incredible ability to put describe your heart with mere
    “paper and pencil”! It is truly a gift! It really speaks to my heart!! (((HUGS!))) to you and your sweet family today and always….Auntie Teresa (PS Thank you for calling me Auntie, not many of my nieces do! 😉 )

      • Oh ya!!!! Of course!!!!!!!!! Blonde Auntie?? Love you, Smarty!! You crack me up! Thanks, (((SMILE!!))) & (((HUGS)))

Comments are closed.