This Morning’s Mind Wanderings

I am weary this morning, but my God is here with me. His nearness is something I can feel and know and count on. Always. He is so good to me.

Being back in Colorado makes Oregon feel a bit like a dream already. I have gone about a “normal” day already, yet I don’t feel normal. I feel kind of suspended between two realities, and find myself wondering when I will feel real again.

I’m not going to worry about it. All things come right in their own time, according to God’s will.

The kids are struggling with Dad’s illness. They don’t know that we may be headed back to Oregon soon. They’re having a hard enough time understanding timing. Poor Audrey started crying somewhere in Wyoming, and when I asked her what was wrong, she said, “I’m afraid Papa died!” I didn’t know that a person’s heart could hurt so much in a moment. Of course, I had to call Papa and tell him that his Sparky was having a rough day, and wanted to talk to her Papa.

He cheered her up by asking about the trip, and if she’d seen any “Kerplopples.” (I have no idea if that’s spelled right, seeing as how it’s a made-up word.)

“What are they, Papa?” she asked, grinning.

“Oh, they’re like antelope, and they wear rubber boots.” Obviously.

She giggled. “You’re silly, Papa!”

Yet another precious, happy moment to enter into our life story. Her face hasn’t drooped since. And yes, we looked for Kerplopples the rest of the way home.

I had a work day yesterday, my first full day back home. It felt rather empty until class started, and I was able to bond a little with the two precious couples who are attending. One of the moms is a doula in training! We geeked out together for a little while after class. I went home with a smile on my face, and came home to a husband who let me lay in his lap while he stroked my hair.

It was nice.

I feel a little more normal this morning, but still somewhat out of place. Coming home didn’t feel like coming home for the first time, ever. The comfort of things familiar is missing some of the warm-fuzzy factor it once had.

I have a lot I’m turning over in my mind. A lot that I am learning to pray differently about. A lot I am thanking God for. I have more reason than ever to love the God who saved me.

I can begin this busy day in peace.

I look forward to the kids’ first day of school. I planned on starting this coming Monday, but I don’t think that would be wise. They start their support program this coming week, and I think that will be enough. I am working on the schedule and lesson plans, and plan to start the following Monday instead. I think that just makes more sense for us.

Also, I’m officially allergic to Colorado. My allergies totally disappeared while we were in Oregon. They’re back in full sneezing force already. And there was much (non)rejoicing.

Anyway, I’ve made my lists out for the next couple of weeks, and am taking these days one task at a time.

How about you? What does your back-to-school season look like? And how are you?

Grace & Peace,
Tiff

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6 thoughts on “This Morning’s Mind Wanderings

  1. Hi, Tiff!
    My bts week looks pretty empty, here. My youngest is back at the college, but as a webmaster, full-time employment, since he graduated in spring. He just moved into his first “own” place (an apartment) and spent his first night alone there. He is such a people-person, I just hope he woke up in time for work. (He used us people, our routines, the sound of his dad’s shower, the smell of our coffee, as his wake-up call. I cannot imagine him functioning alone! Probably he got his fiance to call him to waken him. If he thought of that , he would do it. She probably thought of it and did it on her own.) They plan to marry in 24 days! My day will be filled with getting that caterer nailed down on who does the clean-up. šŸ˜‰ And I have caught a cold so must cancel the eye doctor appt. but that means I will be here for the guys who are fixing the shower leak.
    I had a thought. The things you go through, the daughter who cries, the husband who helps you decompress, the couples who attend your classes, the whole doula business, the decision to homeschool AND to wait a week to begin — all of it — that is your dad’s legacy, the growth of the sprout he planted when you first arrived on the scene, the journey he coaxed you into when you first got your wings. Everything around you is from your dad and mom, including the sadness, the sense to feel sadness — it’s part of his legacy to you. As you walk in it, you can say, “Dad gave me this, this good sense to mourn, this ability to raise children who FEEL, the opportunity to snag this great husband, it’s all born of my folks’ hopes and dreams for a tiny baby girl named Tiffany.
    Just coast and marvel. So many would not dare feel what you are feeling, would find some way to turn it off and pretend, to the detriment of all around them. Many others would not have the strength to function at all, would seek anesthesia in substance abuse.
    But your dad (and your mom) gave you reality, love, hope, and all the other things it takes to marry, raise children, and care. You may feel very little and helpless, but they raised a true queen. Bask in it. It’s real life, the abundant life.
    Loving you so. Praying. K

    • How fun to have a wedding to look forward to! And how strange to imagine a home with no kids living in it – no matter how grown they may be.

      I never thought of all of this in that way before. How much more precious you have made this to me, and how humbled I am that God would give me such a great gift in my parents. I wish everyone had such gifts.

      Thank you for all your encouragement – Loving you back.

  2. I’m glad little Audrey was cheered up a bit by the Kerplopples. That’s such a wonderful memory to add to the books!
    And I’m sorry this is such a hard season for you. Distance from family can be so tough at times. I’m really missing my own parents right now! We’ll be seeing them in a few weeks, but until then, we’re just enjoying the end of summer (since there’s need for school yet around here šŸ™‚

  3. Love you so much!! On all of the craziness, my family is here, always.

    We started school on Monday of this week. My brain is mush and I can’t keep one appointment separate from the next. I’m so focused on school and not at all giving myself the grace I need to. But praise God, our schooling has been so wonderful and joyous. Oh, your kiddos are welcome to school with mine any ol’ time you want a break:)

    • Be careful, Nichole! Your brain may be mush, but it’s full of awesome, and might explode…lol!

      Love you so much, friend who is becoming more and more dear. I just need to shelve some books, write out out lesson plans & schedule, and start. Having such a busy week as soon as I got back from vacation is insane, but I know I’ll get through, by the grace of God and the skin of my teeth!

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