I am weary this morning, but my God is here with me. His nearness is something I can feel and know and count on. Always. He is so good to me.
Being back in Colorado makes Oregon feel a bit like a dream already. I have gone about a “normal” day already, yet I don’t feel normal. I feel kind of suspended between two realities, and find myself wondering when I will feel real again.
I’m not going to worry about it. All things come right in their own time, according to God’s will.
The kids are struggling with Dad’s illness. They don’t know that we may be headed back to Oregon soon. They’re having a hard enough time understanding timing. Poor Audrey started crying somewhere in Wyoming, and when I asked her what was wrong, she said, “I’m afraid Papa died!” I didn’t know that a person’s heart could hurt so much in a moment. Of course, I had to call Papa and tell him that his Sparky was having a rough day, and wanted to talk to her Papa.
He cheered her up by asking about the trip, and if she’d seen any “Kerplopples.” (I have no idea if that’s spelled right, seeing as how it’s a made-up word.)
“What are they, Papa?” she asked, grinning.
“Oh, they’re like antelope, and they wear rubber boots.” Obviously.
She giggled. “You’re silly, Papa!”
Yet another precious, happy moment to enter into our life story. Her face hasn’t drooped since. And yes, we looked for Kerplopples the rest of the way home.
I had a work day yesterday, my first full day back home. It felt rather empty until class started, and I was able to bond a little with the two precious couples who are attending. One of the moms is a doula in training! We geeked out together for a little while after class. I went home with a smile on my face, and came home to a husband who let me lay in his lap while he stroked my hair.
It was nice.
I feel a little more normal this morning, but still somewhat out of place. Coming home didn’t feel like coming home for the first time, ever. The comfort of things familiar is missing some of the warm-fuzzy factor it once had.
I have a lot I’m turning over in my mind. A lot that I am learning to pray differently about. A lot I am thanking God for. I have more reason than ever to love the God who saved me.
I can begin this busy day in peace.
I look forward to the kids’ first day of school. I planned on starting this coming Monday, but I don’t think that would be wise. They start their support program this coming week, and I think that will be enough. I am working on the schedule and lesson plans, and plan to start the following Monday instead. I think that just makes more sense for us.
Also, I’m officially allergic to Colorado. My allergies totally disappeared while we were in Oregon. They’re back in full sneezing force already. And there was much (non)rejoicing.
Anyway, I’ve made my lists out for the next couple of weeks, and am taking these days one task at a time.
How about you? What does your back-to-school season look like? And how are you?
Grace & Peace,