So, I got my nose pierced after ten years of thinking about getting my nose pierced. It hurt. And I’ve decided what I want my first tattoo to be. That comes later in the post, though.
That was the highlight of my week. That is, until I go to Kim’s for pizza, bread-baking, and to talk about her upcoming birth as doula and client. Which is amazing and cool. And THAT will probably be the highlight of my very hard week. Well, I think all of my friends are the highlight of my week. Loving on me, encouraging me, and bringing me cinnamony coffee things. How did I get so undeservedly blessed with this particular circle of friends? I have no idea, but I’ll take it!
Since I have started writing almost every week on my birth blog, this little corner of my internet world has been a bit neglected. I won’t dwell on that, though. At least I’m writing. Regularly. On that note, it seems everyone else is wanting to write as well. I think everyone I know (and their kitchen sinks) are starting their own blogs. That’s cool, and will be interesting to see everyone’s different voices and topics they choose to write about.
So very, very tired.
Early this week, tragedy struck a family I’d never met, but whose circle overlaps mine, professionally speaking. I find myself doing spiritual battle on behalf of some highly loved and respected colleagues, and that is exhausting. Not nearly as exhausting as their struggles, by far. Still, I hurt and pray alongside them as best I can.
That same day, I received the double-edged sword of news of my dad’s battle with malignant melanoma. His brain tumors are gone, as of last week. Hooray! BUT (how I’ve come to hate that word some days), there is now a tumor on his spine. Just let that sink in.
He will begin a form of chemo, and radiation soon, to last for four months.
I’ll know more after Dad’s appointment next week, when things (including prognosis) get explained in more detail.
Which leads me to my first tattoo. I want to have
“Therefore, I do not lose heart…” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
tattooed on my wrist. Possibly in my Dad’s handwriting. If he’ll be willing to do it. I have faced the fact that I will likely lose my dad to this cancer. If he crosses the threshold into Heaven soon, I will add either his birth to death dates, or a flower representing the month in which he meets his Lord face to face. I don’t lose him forever, though, and that’s what this tattoo will signify.
It will remind me to fix my eyes “not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (You can read the full passage HERE.) It is my own personal message of hope, and will keep the Truth of eternity before my eyes.
If I’m going to get a tattoo, I want it to mean something. Something real. Something eternal. It will run me about $85 dollars. So, I need to start saving.
Back to this week. Yesterday, I received more bad news I cannot disseminate here because of confidentiality reasons. I am hurt, but will get over it. It was bound to happen someday. It happens to all doulas at one point or another, and I will handle it professionally and compassionately.
I am worn out. Partially due to everything mentioned here, and partially due to too many late nights. We have not done school since Wednesday. I couldn’t. Next week is a fresh week. We’ll move on, by God’s grace, with gratitude for each new day he brings us.
At least we have snow! The fresh purity of it is lovely and comforting.
After all, no matter what happens, I’m still in the palm of God’s hand. He is still good. He still loves me. And he will not let go of me. I’m secure in my future, because of him. I have nothing to complain about. Even though I am hurting this week, I am not alone. The God of all Comfort sustains me, and reveals to me the joy under-lying everything. I can only sink so low before I remember the joy of my salvation.
“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” ~Romans 8:38-39 (NIV)
The truth really does set you free.
Even in the middle of heartache, there is something of substance that I can stand on. I can’t explain it, but there it is.
I am free. I have hope. And by “hope”, I mean a “confident expectation” of something very real.
So, though this week has been hard, the truth I know is even more hard, and of greater substance than what I can see here. There is no denying the great love of God, or the plans that he has for me.
He is so good.
Grace & Peace,