I know that overall, I’m doing a good job. Overall, I’m not causing a too big a need for later therapy in my children. Overall, I’m doing the best I can with what I have.
As much as I’d like to believe that’s enough, I no longer do.
Please don’t mistake me. I know full well that I cannot give more than I have, and I really am giving everything I am to this motherhood thing.
Still, I fail.
I will not sugarcoat it and say merely, “I’m not perfect.”
This is a fact.
It looks a little different everyday, but there are definitely gaps where I fall short as a mother. To say differently would be to delude myself.
As much as I want my very best to be enough, it is not. Even my best does not draw even with God’s worst (if he even has a “worst”). My righteousness is as filthy rags.
No, my best is not enough. I need something Greater.
I lift up my eyes to the hills–
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip–
he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD watches over you–
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm–
he will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
~Psalm 121 (NIV)
Sometimes, it’s really hard to just keep praying daily for God to fill in the gaps where I cannot. It’s hard to remember that over it all, the Maker of heaven and earth is ready to help me, and watches over my life.
It’s tough to rest in Jesus, my Sabbath, and trust him to care for his own in ways that I cannot. To continue to pray for wisdom, and trust God to give it to me in the moments I need it.
It’s hard, but all it requires is my heart turned God-ward, and my desires for my children in line with his will; my supplications to be frequent and real.
That, I can do.
Grace & Peace,