Day 19: I was cute. What happened?


And now you see where Audrey gets her looks. From the piggy-tailed five-year-old in this picture. I don’t even remember this day, which is pretty darn sad, considering that this is a picture of me holding my brand-new baby sister. I remember weird things, like what I was wearing on a particular summer day, playing in the sprinkler. The birth of a sibling? Whatever.

It took my moving 3000 miles away from home to realize what was really important in life.

The people in it.

The sister in this picture is AJ – the one who just spent almost a year and a half living with us. She moved out a week ago, Sunday, and I miss her already. I see her daily when she drops off and picks up Baby Schel, but it’s not like having her in the house.

The past year and a half have been good ones. Crowded and a bit chaotic, but good. I tried to make up for all the years I ignored her and marginalized her. All the years I simply wasn’t what a big sister should be.

I think we covered a lot of ground with Jen here. We’ve certainly grown closer than we have before, but it’s clear that my role in her life will never be “best friend.” And that is my own fault. I think I’ve completely lost that chance for life. Still, it is within my ability to be the best friend and sister that I can be, and I will.

And it only took me 25 years of her life to see it. (Well, 25 this coming 4th of July.)

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