It’s hard to think that Levi will be officially out of the Air Force in just over a month, and hasn’t had a job offer yet. There are a few he’s applied for, but hasn’t yet followed up, and is nervous to do so. Are we on the cusp of a time of unemployment?
We’ve never struggled financially as a couple, since he’s been in the military our whole married lives. Though it’s not a big paycheck, it’s a steady one, and the benefits are amazing. (Can you say “free health care?”) I am glad that we have been able to focus on our relationship these past (almost) eight years, without having money worries hanging over our head, unlike a lot of newlyweds.
So, I often wonder if we’re about to enter our “poor newlywed” stage of life, only, a little later than most.
I’m okay with that, since I have confidence our relationship can withstand it under the umbrella of God’s grace and our commitment to each other.
Still, I get nervous if I think too much about it. Which is easy for me to do, over-analyzer that I am.
We are in a good position, financially, to enter this time, if that is what is in store for us. We have an emergency fund. We have no debt other than our van and our mortgage. We live within our means, and frugally. We have a few small things in our budget we can cut before our belts are really tightened.
In truth, we have nothing to worry about.
Still, I’m human, and I know I will fall prey to anxiety if I’m not watchful. I’ve already asked a few friends, as well as my family, to keep me in prayer about this. If we’re going to experience a real crunch soon, I want to face it with joy, and an anticipation of God’s provision. Even though I know He’ll provide, it’s sometimes hard to convince my heart of that fact, which is silly. When I consider the fact that we have always been provided for, you would think I would have no problem trusting.
Well, I do sometimes.
There. I said it.
I have a hard time trusting God completely, sometimes.
Times like these, I need the Word of God to uphold me.
“Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6
This promise is so ripe right now, ready for me to take hold of it, and cling to it as though my life depended on it. Not that it hasn’t been relevant before now, it just seems so appropriate right now. As though it were written just for me, for this time, for this place. It comforts me, knowing that whatever is around the bend in the road ahead, this promise will show Levi and I each step when we need to see it.
This really feels like a battle for a portion of my soul. I refuse to cave in to the lies of the enemy, but I cannot stand alone. I can read and quote Scripture until I’m blue in the face, but if I don’t have some iron to help sharpen me, I will lose this battle.
This is where I thank God for all of you who pray for me, challenge me, and call me on the carpet when I’m being stupid. I need all of you now, more than ever. I care far less about whether my husband gets a job than I care about losing the battle to worry. So please, pray for me when you think of me. Pray that I do not fall into this temptation of doubt and disbelief, because that is exactly what worry is, and I refuse to walk down that road.