Thankful Thursday: Confession & Forgiveness.

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” ~1 John 1:9 (NIV)

This week, I am thankful for the cleansing power of confession, both to God and to my sisters in Christ. And that’s the only thing I can think of at the moment. And I know why.

I feel I need to make this confession here, too, because I think God wants me to. No. I know He does.

Lately, I have been fighting a losing battle in my mind against covetousness and vanity.

Covetousness because a wonderful and dear friend of mine gets to go to church every time the doors are open, gets to be super-involved in the areas her heart is drawn to, and stays skinny no matter what she eats. She’s amazing. She’s a growing, vibrant, humble, beautiful woman, and I have felt put to shame by her. I have listened to the lies of the enemy, comparing myself to her, and feeling as though I fall short of some standard. I have felt that I need to be “in the limelight” in order to really be “contributing” to the kingdom of God.

Pathetic, isn’t it? And I know better.

Anyway…on to the next one.

Vanity because my motivation for wanting to do what I want to do in my church is not out of a desire to serve, it is because I want people to look up to me and admire me. Well, I do have a desire to serve, but it is not as strong as my hypocritical, stinking, filthy PRIDE. I love to be admired and looked up to. I love it when people ask me for advice. I love to be needed. I love to be complimented. I love to know that I “make a difference”. Whatever that means in my limited, finite, human perspective.

And that has gotten in the way of my relationship with God lately.

I have basically been whining to God: “Why does SHE get to do what her heart desires in the church? Why don’t I get to do the things I want to do? Why is it always the pretty ones who get all the attention? Why can’t I just lose the weight I want to lose? Why am I on the back burner now? It’s not FAIR!”

How do you like them apples? I think they’re pretty sour.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my friend deeply, and enjoy being around her, and I’m so glad to be getting to know her. I really do. We click. It has not affected our growing friendship. It has (so far) poisoned only me. I think that’s because I finally answered the Lord’s call to confess this as sin – not only to Him, but to her and the rest of the women in our study. And, boy, did it hurt. Who knows what would have happened if I’d continued to hold it in?

When will I finally be rid of this Pharisee-like tendency to set myself up for a humiliating fall? I hope it’s this side of Heaven, because I don’t think I can deal with it much longer.

But…I said all that to say this:

I’M FORGIVEN! I’M CLEANSED! I GET TO START OVER!”

I have come before God in humility, and I have once again been washed clean. As if it never happened. I am once again pure and holy in His sight, because of His blood. His beautiful, crimson, blessed blood! And I didn’t have to do a thing except obey…just obey.

So, I don’t want you to think I’m beating myself up about it – I’m not anymore. I just want to share the amazing Grace of my God to save, cleanse, and forgive me every single day. And for His amazing ability to just negate the battles in my brain. I’m not really supposed to fight…I’m just supposed to stand and see what the Lord will do. So, I’m doing my best to learn to surrender my thoughts to Jesus. I’m just heart-glad that He doesn’t demand that I do it all myself!

And I’m so thankful today.

So thankful.

For more thankful posts, visit Iris at Sting My Heart.

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Thankful Thursday: Confession & Forgiveness.

  1. Thank you for sharing your heart with us, I appreciate your honesty. God loves you, just the way you are. You are His precious, beautiful, and very cherished daughter. Take care sweetie.

  2. My dear friend….just some things I thought of while reading your post….
    There are things you do, that you don’t realize you are doing, that other people notice and look up to….
    And the fact that you may not even realize it, shows that you are humble in those areas…just as your friend involved in the church is…

    And you may not even see it this way, but girl, you are a mom that many look up to….
    why, when I was at your house for that play date, one of the newer moms who was there that day…she looked at me and said…wow, she has her 4 kids and she cooks them 3 meals each day…she is seriously supermom.
    She was awed by you.

    I, have been grumpy with my kids a lot lately, and when my miss asked you to put her shoes on…and you put them on your feet, and you guys laughed together…I thought, wow..she’s being so fun…I need to be more like that with my kids.

    You really and truly are a great mom….and that is something many see and something that does bring attention to you…but you may not realize it!!!
    And you have many friends who are new moms and you are such an awesome person to have in their lives….they do look up to you….it may not be a whole church body, but heck…you are showing these moms some tricks to help them to be great moms too.

    And your kids are going to look up to you and admire you so much and THAT is the greatest thing to have happen. If you were really involved in church right now..the work you are doing as a mom would be affected by that. And the work you are doing with your kids is so much more important.

    And about the body issue thing…….
    You have a husband who is so attracted to you no matter what, and THAT is SO WONDERFUL.
    And you may see weight gained since having 4 kids, but really, you look great, REALLY!!!…and with walking and ya know, dancing or whatever it is you would like to do for a workout…..it really won’t take you long to lose a little weight, really it wouldn’t.

    So quit feeling bad about the things you covet. We all have little things we look at in others and wish we had…..and the fact that you recognize it for what it is and seek forgivenes is a wonderful thing. I will be praying for you in this area.

    LOVE YOU!

    Erica

  3. Thanks for being real. Haven’t we all felt like this at times? Your courage to speak of it and publicly confess it will touch others. Nice job.

Comments are closed.